Two youth games, 13 yellows - and no one even blinks

Games 36-37, 2019-20

"Boys, every manifestation of dissent and unsportsmanlike behaviour will be punished with a yellow card, in line with the new German FA guidelines." All four teams nod - two on Saturday (U17) and two on Sunday (U19). Neither game is especially well or especially poorly behaved. The fact I barely notice there were a total of 13 yellow cards across the two matches (two cautions for dissent, two for foul play, nine for unsportsmanlike conduct) perhaps reflects how immune I've become to the lousy sporting culture of this city.

[As an aside, in my youth I played club, schools, county and university football from 1976-1987 and can say with certainty that the number of yellow cards shown during those entire 11 years over several hundred games came nowhere close to the 13 cards I showed in two games over the course of this past weekend. Old fart's statistical rant over.]

I reffed Sunday's home team last month already, and it didn't end well. I gave a penalty against their goalkeeper when he charged out of his goal in a one-on-one with the opposing team's striker. He cleared the ball first, laid out the striker second (he needed treatment). Despite the screams of, "He played the ball!" I stuck with the decision and yellow-carded the keeper (one the of the few who didn't protest). The penalty was converted and the home team lost 2-3, and for the remainder of the game they moaned and fouled and then deliberately left the key to my changing room out on the field, so I had to walk back for it.

Imagine my delight when I'm assigned to officiate them again just a few short winter weeks later. The two adult coaches must have had some discussions about this too. They had also been vociferous on the touchline both before and after the penalty, but I'd just ignored them. Today they are much more conciliatory and before the match offer me a full, unreserved apology for both their and their team's behaviour at our last meeting.  I thank them for the apology, but also reiterate why I gave the penalty, and why I'd give it again. I do concede that it was a tight game at the top of the table, that emotions were running high, and that not every referee would have awarded the penalty. "That's no excuse," says one of the coaches. "We should be better than that." Indeed.

I wonder when I'd have received their apology if I hadn't been refereeing their team again. Only a cynic, though, would question why they've waited five weeks until today and then, half an hour before kick-off, become contrite enough to express their regrets at having been such shitty, unsporting role models last time around.

The team's captain also apologises after the coin toss. During the game, you can see what an immense effort it's costing them to keep quiet every time I give a decision that doesn't go their way. They concede another penalty, this time it's two defenders hacking away at an opposing forward, and there's no quarrel with the call because there's nothing to dispute (not that this will necessarily stop someone moaning). However, the number 14 who was carded for dissent last time around comes on as a sub and can't stop himself from whining yet again when he flattens the away team's right winger. Another yellow for yelling. They play very poorly against a team they beat 8-0 earlier in the season and lose 3-1, and only the captain shakes my hand at the final whistle. Rather than shouting at the ref, they'd ended up moaning at each other.

Saturday's game sees a quiet first half with no cautions at all, but - as happens again and again - the second half sees a dramatic upturn of mediocre conduct. No less than three players are booked for kicking the ball away to prevent a quick free-kick from being taken. You'd think after the first time that players would take this on board, but apparently not.

The great thing about giving a yellow for this offence is the indignant reaction of the player. Along the lines of, "But all I did was kick the ball away!" Absolutely, you chump, what a stupid fucking thing to get a yellow card for. Now, who was it who kicked the ball away? Was it me, the referee, or was it you, the player?

On Saturday morning I was coaching my U9 team. Three fathers of players on the opposing team were standing behind the goal their sons were defending, bellowing useless instructions throughout. Their coach was a quiet type. "Quite some extra backing you've got there," I said after a few minutes, hoping he'd go over and tell them to shut the fuck up. "Heh, yeah," was the response, and that was it. One of my own dads was 'coaching' there too (though not so vehemently), perhaps encouraged by the three idiots, until I walked across and said, "Remember, no instructions." He apologised and moved away. He tries it every game, like he thinks I'm not going to notice. 

Oh, Gods of football, please give me the strength to continue. Or, even better, the strength to give it all up.

Game 36: 3-2 (8 x yellow)

Game 35: 1-3 (5 x yellow)

Want to read more? Click here to order Reffing Hell: Stuck In The Middle Of A Game Gone Wrong by Ian Plenderleith (Halcyon Publishing), published on August 8, 2022.