He's back! Oh Danny boy, I love you so...

Game 22, 2020-21

I get a call at 4pm. Can I referee a men's game at 8? It's raining and cold and it's almost November, and I'd planned to be on the sofa watching Rangers v Lech Poznan in the Europa League. I know, the wild life I lead. But I say yes because I'm useless at saying no. After I hang up, I get the e-mail and I see the teams, and there I see his name. He's listed as a substitute, assistant coach and team manager for the away side. Oh joy, oh joy, it's my lovely Danny boy.

 

Missing this, but later
 sharing the same emotion

I haven't seen Danny since I sent him off in The Game From Hell last year. For that he received a three-month ban. The time before that when I dismissed him, he was fined €150. Also in the line-up tonight are four players from that U19 line-up he was coaching, including the player red-carded for head-butting an opponent in the gut, and the defender who came in to my changing room to put a two-cent coin on my table in lieu of full payment (I've still not been paid for the game). Tonight they are all standing outside the changing room when I arrive and break into exasperated laughter when they see me. Good to know they haven't forgotten that game either.

As I did at the weekend, I speak to both trainers about the need for absolute peace on the field, and that I will call off the game if a single player screams anywhere close to my face. At the toss-up, I check with both captains that the teams have got the message. They have. Off we go.

Those lads who were so bolshie, macho and aggressive in the U19s are remarkably quiet now that they are playing with men, not boys. They are also getting spanked. By half-time they are 4-1 down, troubling the scoreboard only thanks to a clumsy own goal from the home team. So, at half-time, three players are subbed out. Danny's time has come to turn the game around as a striker...

Avoiding Corona, Ignoring an Alpha Wanker

Games 19-21, 2020-21

I lost a lot of sleep last weekend because of the theatrical scenes that followed the penalty awards in the two games I refereed. I woke up in the night and started replaying the scenes in my head, several times over. It didn't help. Through Wednesday I wasn't much fun to be around (even less than usual) - I was tired and irritable, while wondering how bad my refereeing must be if it causes such extreme emotions in so many people. If you're thinking, "Jesus Christ, mate, it's just amateur football, don't let it get to you," then I concede that you are completely in the right.

 

What also retrospectively bothered me was the health danger - players coming up close and screaming in my face in the COVID-19 era. I didn't even think about it at the time, although I was instinctively backing off and demanding they keep their distance. The leagues where this happened in Sunday's game - to the south of the city - have in the meantime been suspended. Which on one level is a shame, but in the case of the home team that couldn't accept a clear decision that went against them, I can't help but think: tough shit, lads, but it's no bad thing you were sat at home all afternoon yesterday glaring at the walls.

In my city, games are still on for now, despite soaring Corona stats...

Making the 'big calls', then dealing with the anger

Games 17-18, 2020-21

Referee training courses often emphasise that we “must have the courage to make the big decisions”. That is, making calls at crucial points of a game that we know are going to be very unpopular. This happened to me twice at the weekend, and both times my whistle prompted a whole world of pain and unhappiness. Both involved penalties that influenced the outcome of each game. I am happy with both calls, as I was perfectly placed to see both offences. I’m less happy with the aggressive, choleric consequences and what they say about the human ability to accept unhappy truths:

 

Saturday night: Boys U19 league game. The away team is leading 1-0 with four minutes to go, but the home team equalises on a breakaway. The away team is claiming a foul in the build-up, but there was no foul in the build-up, their central defender was merely outmuscled by the goal scorer. Two minutes later, the home team’s captain is tripped in the box, five yards from where I’m standing. It’s not a hard foul, just a clumsy one, but it’s an irrefutable one. I point to the spot.

Away team players surround me, yelling. I send them sharply away. After the penalty’s converted, they do the same, but then realise they don’t have long to try and claw the goal back, so they disperse quickly. Upon the final whistle, though (the score remains 2-1), the collective tantrum is so loud, unpleasant and insult-heavy that I red-card their number 14, who had already seen yellow for dissent in the 66^th. minute. 

A group of away team parents had been allowed to attend a supposedly spectator-free game, as long as they stood far behind one goal while socially distancing. By full-time, though, one of them has made his way around the field in order to catch me on my way to the changing-room...

Another youth team coach sees red - at some point this has got to stop

Game 16, 2020-21

Boys U19, city cup, quarter-final. It's as fast and physical as you'd expect, but a good game. I'm enjoying it, until the home bench starts up, shouting about every tiny decision. I raise my fingers to my lips to make it clear that I would like them to pipe down - their conduct is completely out of place. The players are not fouling much, and not complaining at all. Things, though, escalate. Once again, I'm just going to translate the (redacted) disciplinary report, which not only describes the behaviour of the home coaches, but explicitly asks when the state FA is finally going to fucking well do something about it:

"In the 34th minute there was another loud protest from the two home coaches Rxxxx and Pxxxx after one of their players was called offside. The incident was down the left touchline, on the same side of the field as the coaching benches, at least 40 yards ahead of the home bench - from their position it would actually have been physically impossible for the coaches to have accurately determined that their own player was clearly offside when the ball was played to him. From the players themselves there were no protests.

"As the unnecessary protests continued I walked over to the home bench and said in a calm but firm manner, 'Please, stay calm over here so that it stays calm on the field.' Head coach Rxxxx responded in a harsh tone, 'Oh, I should spend the rest of the game with my mouth sewn up, or what?' [Yes! - sporting conduct Ed.] I ignored this remark on the grounds that there was no point in starting a stupid discussion, but then the coach yelled at me again regarding the offside call, so I showed him the yellow card for irresponsible behaviour...

Screwed up a major call? Best to just confess

Game 15, 2020-21

"Why on earth didn't you award us a penalty when their goalkeeper fouled our forward?" I'm chatting with the home team's coach after the game. He's smiling, he's friendly, and it's a perfectly reasonable question. If his team had been given the penalty and converted it, they'd have likely taken all three points against the league leaders, instead of just one. 

 

I tell him the truth. That I didn't see it. That at the exact moment the forward was dribbling around the goalkeeper, my view was suddenly blocked by a retreating defender. The next thing I knew, both keeper and forward were on the floor, the ball had rolled out of play, and the home team and all of its fans were appealing for a penalty. Although, it has to be said, they weren't appealing for the penalty with 100% conviction. I pointed towards the corner flag. Cue much jeering from the crowd, incredulity from the 'fouled' forward. A corner kick may have been the right decision, but it may well not have. It could have been a goal kick. Or it could have been a penalty...

Ejecting an adult from a youth team game

Games 13-14, 2020-21

At all games the German FA requires that the home team names one person who's responsible for order and civilised/sporting behaviour. Most of the time, thankfully, it's not an issue. Just occasionally, though, that person needs to step up when there's trouble among the spectators. Except that they rarely do, unless you specifically instruct them. Sometimes even then, as on Saturday, they still do nothing. Here's a redacted version of the disciplinary report I sat up typing until 1am on Sunday morning:

"In the 75th. minute of an extremely quiet game, the home team's number 7 was attacking the ball in the away team's penalty area. The away team's goalkeeper reached the ball first and cleared it out for a throw-in. The number 7's momentum caused him to collide with the goalkeeper, he was briefly injured, but able to play on.

"A number of home-team spectators were standing in this corner of the field directly in front of the action [it was the only shady spot]. During the game they'd protested loudly about any decisions given against their team - superfluous hysteria with its base in ignorance, but all part of the game...

Playing with the neighbours - a yellow-card fiesta on derby night

Game 12, 2020-21

There are three kinds of neighbours: 1. the ones you get along with, maybe even become friends with 2. the ones you ignore, and who ignore you in return (maybe they're weird. Maybe you're the weirdo) 3. the ones you fall out with over some issue (loud music after 10pm, a barking dog, a shitting dog...) that seems trivial to outsiders, but which possesses and aggrieves you more than you'd be prepared to admit. Like families, neighbours are thrown together and there's only a certain number of them you're going to get along with.

The two teams from last night are neighbours. That doesn't mean their fields are close by - they actually share the same facilities. Their club houses lie 50 metres apart, separated by the changing rooms and the toilet block. It doesn't get more 'derby' than this. Do they get along? I check the records for the last time they met, late last year. There were 11 yellows and a red card. So, probably not much...

This team is a BOMB!

Game 11, 2020-21

I don't want to show the away team's right back the red card. It's the 93rd. minute, the game's as good as over. His side is leading 3-0. Prior to that, he'd been one of the few players to show that it's possible to defend well, but without fouling your opponent in every second challenge. Frankly, there are half a dozen other players on the field I'd rather see head for an early shower.

But, but, but...  a few seconds earlier he and the home team's number 11 had been chasing a long through-ball played out to the left. The winger had, for once, just beaten him to the ball and poked it ahead, ready for a clear run on goal. The right back came a second too late for the ball and clattered the number 11 to the ground. Brutal foul play and the denial of a clear goal-scoring opportunity - take your pick. With a rueful expression, I pull out the red card and he accepts the decision without any protest at all.

Afterwards, he comes to the changing room to apologise, and to tell me that he's already said sorry to his opponent, who was injured but - thankfully - not seriously. I tell him that I was sorry to show him red after he'd had such a good game, and that I knew the foul was not intentional...

Managing teen aggression, ignorant coaches, and morons behind the goal

Games 8-10, 2020-21

I've reffed two boys' U19 games over the past few days - one cup tie, and one league game - and have finally come to realise that these games will never be quiet. I took a friend to the first game and said to him, "The chances of there being no cards tonight are about one per cent." As a former player in the east German youth system, he was not at all fazed by the intensity of the game, and thought the seven yellow cards plus one five-minute time penalty and a red card were just about right.

Putting 22 adolescent boys on a limited rectangle of ground and letting them all compete at the same time for a single round leather ball is never going to lead to group yoga and 90 minutes of wellness therapy. As the sole controlling factor, the referee has to reckon in advance with high testosterone levels and inevitable frustration, aggression and foul play. The trick is always finding the balance between lenience and punishment, as well as hitting the right tone when it comes to keeping the players in check and focused on the game.

In these two games, I was gifted ideal situations in the first half that allowed me to assert my authority - both times, two opponents squared up to each other following a battle for the ball and exchanged words...

Why your offside calls are always "two metres" out

Games 6-7, 2020-21

There's an old fellow behind the away team's goal during Saturday's game, and he's angry at me about an offside call. How he could see that the call was wrong from behind the goal is anybody's guess. He shouts that I'm a waste of time, and backs that conviction up with dramatic arm gestures. There are three ways to respond to this: 1. Ignore him. He's obviously craving attention, so don't grant him the pleasure of thinking you're bothered by his opinion. 2. Move towards the moron, kneel down and then blow him an extravagantly choreographed kiss. 3. Move towards the moron and say, "I'm standing on this side of the barrier because I love football. You're standing on the other side of it because all you've got is a big trap."

I only thought of options two and three after the game, but that's probably just as well. Ignoring him was the best policy. Indeed, after the game I walk right past him to see if he has the courage to berate me face to face, but he's gone all quiet. Perhaps his anger has dissipated and been replaced by a gnawing existential dread of his pending mortality, fuelled by a sense of futility at the idea of protesting offside decisions during a boys U15 football game. Whatever it is, I reserve the right to engage options 2 and 3 at some future point of conflagration... 

'Revenge' fouls and tedious macho posturing

Games 3-5, 2020-21

 

Sometimes you know when a player is out to get back at an opponent. The 'revenge foul' is a particularly hard one to prevent, and short of following the aggrieved player around and shouting 'No foul! No foul!' as they head towards the play, there's usually not a lot you can do. In my first game of the weekend, there's a brutal revenge foul that comes out of nowhere, conducted with the efficiency and cynicism of a Kremlin-backed assassin.

 

Early in the second half, there had been a tussle for the ball in midfield, and a home player came away with the ball. The away team's number 9, who's just come into the game at half-time, complained that he'd been fouled, but I'd seen it differently and let play continue. A few seconds later I had to stop play as the number 9 was now in a shouting match with several players from the home team. I didn't catch exactly what was said, but I showed him a yellow for unsporting conduct and invited him to keep his mouth shut for the rest of the game and play football instead (which, to be fair, he did).

 A couple of minutes later, the same number 9 receives a pass in the centre circle. The home team's number 11, presumably upset by whatever the number 9 had said to him, rushes in at him from behind with straightened leg and takes him out at the ankles. The number 9 falls in pain to the floor (he goes off for treatment, but returns to the game later). I blow loudly, pull out the red card from my back pocket, and the number 11 turns and leaves without the hint of a complaint. Honour satisfied, or something, though it could easily have been a broken leg...

The gobby Captain who thinks he has special rights

Games 1-2, 2020-21

It's the first half of my first game for almost six months, and the away team's captain is yelling at me. He went in unnecessarily late after an opposing defender cleared the ball upfield, and as the pass went astray, I blew for a free-kick. I don't know why the captain's so mad at the call and I don't much care, but I tell him firmly that there's no point in dissent during my games. It should be a yellow, but it's a friendly and we've all been out of action for a long time so I leave it at a lecture. Call it Covid-related leniency.

 

Around 28 players take the field for tonight's game in all, and only one has a problem with my refereeing. In the second half, it's the mouthy captain again who complains at great length that a goal his team just conceded was "clearly offside" (it wasn't). As usual, his authoritative view of the play comes from the other half of the field. This time, I show him the yellow card and he can't believe it. He's the captain, for goodness sake. He's allowed to criticise the referee, and the referee has to be man enough to take criticism on board.

While writing his number down I tell him that the rules explicitly state the exact opposite - namely, that there's no special dispensation for the captain when it comes to poor behaviour on the field. This is underscored five minutes later when he goes in late on an opponent with a straight leg tackle. Second yellow and off, and his protests are even louder. My refereeing's laughable, I'm a joke, etc...

Book reviews: 'Blowing the Whistle' by Stuart Carrington and 'The Social Ref' by Shawn D Madden

There's been no action on the field since March, so here's a review that I wrote for @SoccerAmerica at the end of last year of two refereeing books, by @StuCarrington07 and @SocialRefHabits

Football Books of the Year, 2019, Part 2: How to be a Better Referee
Blowing the Whistle: The Psychology of Football Refereeing by Stuart Carrington (Dark River)
The Social Ref: How to Become a Better Referee and Umpire by Shawn D. Madden (independently published)

Within their own social circle, referees are nerds. We love to discuss seven different ways to interpret the more obscure clauses of the Laws of the Game, to enthuse about our favorite jersey designs, and to compare notes on which brand of whistle we blow. We have a story for almost every game we ever officiated, and in most of those stories we come out on top (the stories where we don't remain untold). Wayward players, loudmouthed coaches and gesticulating spectators all have one thing in common - they do not know as much as we do. It's the self-belief that keeps us going.

Arrogance, some might call it. In London-based Sports Coaching Science lecturer Stuart Carrington's excellent book Blowing the Whistle: The Psychology of Football Refereeing, we hear that arrogance is not necessarily a bad quality in a referee. The writer believes that ego-oriented referees (who harbor an "obsessive passion" for the game) are no better or worse than task-oriented referees (who foster a "harmonious passion" more associated with examining our own errors). Ideally, the best referee will consist of a mixture of the two, combining self-reflection with self-confidence.

Not that there is an ideal type of person who is suited to being a referee. "Interestingly," he notes, "not only is each referee different, but the same referee may be different one game to the next." The nuances of human personality areamong several other factors carefully considered in this study of why soccer is losing so many referees, why verbal and physical abuse of game officials is on the rise, and what we can do about it.

Two youth games, 13 yellows - and no one even blinks

Games 36-37, 2019-20

"Boys, every manifestation of dissent and unsportsmanlike behaviour will be punished with a yellow card, in line with the new German FA guidelines." All four teams nod - two on Saturday (U17) and two on Sunday (U19). Neither game is especially well or especially poorly behaved. The fact I barely notice there were a total of 13 yellow cards across the two matches (two cautions for dissent, two for foul play, nine for unsportsmanlike conduct) perhaps reflects how immune I've become to the lousy sporting culture of this city.

[As an aside, in my youth I played club, schools, county and university football from 1976-1987 and can say with certainty that the number of yellow cards shown during those entire 11 years over several hundred games came nowhere close to the 13 cards I showed in two games over the course of this past weekend. Old fart's statistical rant over.]

An Amateur Referee's Guide to Communication

Games 34-35, 2019-20

"Communication is the most important aspect of refereeing." It's an old guy, leaning on the surround barrier of the field where I've just reffed. We're watching the game following mine. I don't know if he's making a general comment, or if the comment's specifically aimed at me. Either way, I spent a lot of Sunday's game talking with players, right from the moment I arrived at the club house. Here are some of the different ways that an amateur referee verbally communicates with the two teams over the course of the three hours spanning our arrival to an occasionally embittered departure.

PRE-GAME

1. Introduce yourself. On arrival seek out both coaches, shake their hands and smile. Greet players just arriving or already warming up, strike up a conversation if the chance arises. No one wants an aloof authoritarian in charge of their game. As a player, I hated refs who thought they were too good for Sunday league. Let the teams know you'd very much like their team line-ups confirmed online 30 minutes before kick-off. If they're having problems, especially before evening kick-offs when many players are rushing to arrive from work, show that you're flexible, but start to look less flexible as kick-off approaches. 

2. Make known your expectations. Chat with the players about what you expect from today's game as they line up to run out on to the field. You are naturally anticipating a fair and sporting encounter...

It's almost routine - a red card for violent conduct in a youth game

Game 32-33, 2019-20

"If the poor, insulted mothers only knew how many fights they were responsible for instigating on the football fields of Germany every weekend..." So began one of my paragraphs in the disciplinary report that followed Sunday's U17 boys game. 

Call someone a 'bastard', and they might get shirty, but they don't scream, "Are you saying my mum and dad weren't married when I was born?" Call someone a wanker and they might be pissed off, but they don't get right in your face and yell, "Are you implying that I indulge in acts of self-gratification? ARE YOU?" Yet call someone a son of a whore, and they immediately think that you are insulting their mother and freak out in her defence. This insult is apparently personal in a way that being a bastard or a wanker is not. I'm not saying any of these terms are acceptable on the football field (they're not), but this last one really seems to set the place on fire...

A radical change to the Offside Law for the amateur game

Game 31, 2019-20

For amateur games where there are no neutral and qualified linesmen/assistant referees, I propose that the International Football Association Board (IFAB) add the following clauses to Law 11, Offside:

* Any team that attempts to influence the referee's decision by appealing for offside, either verbally or through gestures such as raising an arm, automatically renders the opposing player in an onside position. In this way, the unsportsmanlike conduct of the defending team directly benefits the attacking team.

* All attempts to influence the referee's decision with regard to offside decisions shall be classified as unsporting conduct, and be punishable with a caution (or a ten-minute time penalty in leagues that operate sin-bins).

* Any protest from an attacking player deemed by the referee to be in an offside position will likewise be punishable with a caution. 

This would be a radical change to the law, but it would make an immense difference to refereeing at the lowest levels of the game, where there is a serious lack of the necessary three match officials for the following two reasons:

Buffalos, Baby Bulls and Headless Geese - Gegenpressing in the Amateur Game

Games 27-30, 2019-20

As teams warm up for the resumption of competitive league play, there's a rash of men's friendlies as the players try to get back into shape following the winter break. Many coaches seem to have spent their weeks away from the sideline studying the masters, and have decided that the best way to approach the second half of the season is with a spanking new tactical system they ripped off an Internet Chalkboard of Football Wisdom.

Gegenpressing

In practice, this currently means following the vogue for Pressing and Gegenpressing. Game pattern: for the first five minutes, let the opposition pass the ball around the back four. Next 40 minutes, yell "Pressure!" and send the forwards and midfield into hectic spoiler mode. There follow about 600 changes of possession, and almost as many fouls, as decidedly amateur players attempt to implement The Klopp Doctrine. Instead of looking like European champions, though, the teams look like decapitated geese in the farm yard after the puddles have frozen overnight. It's not so much Kick and Rush as Chicken Rush...

Finally, leadership from the top on dissent

Games 25-26, 2019-20

During the winter break the German FA issued a set of instructions to its top flight referees regarding dissent, diving, time-wasting and aggressive behaviour towards referees. It reiterated that each offence on its long list was to be punished with a yellow card. The instructions were passed down the chain of command to all amateur referees. And so to my weekend.

Saturday afternoon: A boys U19 game between the second placed team (at home, in white) and the third (away, in black), separated only by goal difference. As we line up, I mention the new guidelines, and warn them that any kind of dissent will be punished with a yellow card. But these are teenage boys, and they probably need to be told at least 15 times before they take the information on board. In the eighth minute comes the first caution, for the forward on the white team who protests loudly about me calling his foul on a defender. In the 12th. minute comes the second yellow card, for a defender on the black team yelling at me for not giving what he insists was an offside call. The rest of the half is quiet.

In the second half, the game heats up...