We are all doomed to Level 11. Get used to it

Games 35-37, 2022-23

A busy weekend with three games in three days, and plenty going on. Two good, enjoyable matches (both men's league games), and one absolute shit-show (boys' U19 friendly). Some new situations, and lots of the same old crap, mainly moaning about offside decisions. 

Friday night lights (pic: Helmut Güsten)

FRIDAY:
Players not knowing the rules, Part 1
During the first half of this Level 10 game, a home team defender comes up with the standard passive-aggressive, "Referee, I have a question." I ignore him, but he complains anyway. When the guests just re-started the game from the centre spot after conceding a goal, they played the ball forwards! At half-time I seek him out and mention his complaint. "You have to watch out for that," he tells me. Why, I said? Since when has it been against the rules to play the ball forward from a kick-off? Oh, he replies, his indignant and confrontational attitude now replaced with mild surprise. Is it allowed?

Offside, Part 1
As we're coming out for the second half the home team players mention in refreshingly friendly tones that the goal they conceded in the first half should have been annulled for offside because an opponent was directly in front of the keeper, blocking his view. In retrospect, I tell them that I think they have a point, although the keeper would never have saved the ball even if he'd had a full view of it. "That one's on me," I say, and they laugh. It helps that they're 3-1 up, but the courtesy and the absence of any malice is a big plus.

Can I manage games with fewer cards?

Games 16-18, 2022-23

I sometimes wonder if I'm too quick to show yellow cards. There's a fine balance between setting the tone in a potentially difficult game, and coming across as an over-officious twat who loves to dip into their pocket and display what they've got. On Saturday afternoon, I observe a referee who's in charge of a U19 game on the field where I'm about to referee U15s. Instead of dishing out punishments, he deals with every conflict by delivering a few calm and well-chosen words. It's never too late to learn, and for 20 minutes I'm captivated by this young man's ability to manage potentially tense situations.

Put that damned thing away, ref!

Of my three games this weekend, I knew that two were unlikely to cause many problems - the above-mentioned U15 game (it's only at the next age group - U17 - that the hormonal shithousery starts to take off, and finally dwindles about 30-40 years later), and a girls' U17 game on early Sunday evening. Inbetween, on Sunday lunchtime, there's boys' U19 at city level, a league with perpetual firework possibilities. Could I somehow get through this game by imitating the style of my colleague the day before?

My interaction starts with the away team, who have just four players, still in civvies, standing outside their changing-room with ten minutes until kick-off. They know what I'm gong to say, so they start to reassure me that everyone's on their way. By some miracle, we only start five minutes late, though they have no coach, who's

The time is perfect for radical reform

Games 34-37, 2021-22

Is change in the air? Coaches keep thanking me for showing up to referee their games. On Saturday, one coach was particularly grateful that I'd turned out "in this awful weather". Several spectators have been thanking me too. It makes me wonder if the state FA has issued a circular to all its clubs during the winter break, reminding them of the referee shortage and asking them to be extra nice. Nothing wrong with that, though such reminders don't tend to have much stamina.

Meanwhile, myself and four fellow referees took the time off during the winter break to take stock and draft our manifesto. The response from our referees' association was nothing but positive, and genuinely enthusiastic that we cared enough to go to so much effort. Outlining concrete proposals, rather than just moaning, has turned out to be the best approach. Not all these ideas fall under our refereeing body's remit, but the idea is to fire up a discussion and have them put their own modified list of suggestions to the state FA. Much of our focus is on the role of youth team coaches, because that's where the problems begin - the consequence of bad education. Here's a summary of the main points:

- an intensive campaign to protect all young and newly qualified referees from abuse, inspired by the Worcestershire FA's #seemysocks initiative. Goal: to improve awareness among clubs, and to improve long term coaching and mentoring of young refs

- transparency throughout the disciplinary process so that referees know poor and disgraceful conduct has been duly punished

Justice, mayhem and two very quiet games

Games 5-6, 2019-20

First, some news: I heard from a fellow referee over the weekend that 'Danny', the coach sent off during The Game From Hell at the end of last season, has been suspended. He didn't know for how long, though my personal hope is that it's a life ban valid across the entire EU. "Every referee in the city knows him," says the young ref, who's registered at Danny's club. It's reassuring to know it wasn't totally personal.

'Friends of Sport' line up
for Saturday's reserve game.

In other events, the reserve team of the club whose name translates as 'Friends of Sport' yesterday played the reserves of the club I belong to. Four of their players were red-carded, as well as the head coach. His assistant then physically attacked the referee. The game was suspended.

I referee the 'Friends of Sport' U15s the day before, and they are absolutely fine, although they're on the right end of a hammering, which always helps. I speak with both teams beforehand in their changing rooms while checking their passes. "If I make a shit decision, and it might happen, still keep your opinions to yourselves, please." Most of them smile at the instruction, they're not yet quite full-on teenage moody-mouths.

I also talk individually with each coach and ask them not to yell at me, rather to save any questions about decisions for the interval, or after the game. "I do get emotional," confesses the home team's coach. "Me too," I reply. "But not when I'm at the football pitch." His emotions remain in check, though, and after the game he thanks me sincerely for a good game, despite the result.

On Sunday it's back to the amateur men's league on another hopelessly hot afternoon. It turns into quite a well-played, well-balanced game. At 1-1 in stoppage time, the away team's forward breaks clear through on goal, but he was already a yard offside when the ball was played. "Never, never was that offside!" cries the hulking centre-back from 30 yards further back. But it was. The score stays 1-1, and this heart-ripping protest plea is the only time anyone objects to a call during the course of the afternoon. 

So, the first two league games, and just one yellow card. In some parts of town, sanity's broken out. A club elder seeks me out to shake my hand and compliment me on a good afternoon's work. I'll repeat what I've said before - such simple gestures of gratitude mean the absolute world to referees. Don't be shy about being decent.

Game 5: 1-8 (no cards)

Game 6: 1-1 (1 x yellow)

Want to read more? Click here to order Reffing Hell: Stuck In The Middle Of A Game Gone Wrong by Ian Plenderleith (Halcyon Publishing), published on August 8, 2022.