Games 43-45, 2021-22
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| Yep, we know. |
Here comes Dad. As I walk towards my changing room at the end of a very competitive boys' U13 game, I go for the direct route - avoiding the open gate where the bellicose, over-motivated parents are still gathered, and opting to duck under the fence instead. But Dad is in the midst of a determined and purposeful stride, and unless I break into an undignified trot, he's going to cut me off before I reach the changing room door. I've certainly nothing to run away from, so let's have it, Dad, what's on your tiny little mind?
"Can you give me an explanation why you gave our number 3 a five-minute time penalty?" That sounds like a reasonable request on paper, but the hectoring tone, I already know, means that Dad won't be happy with the explanation, he just wants to Have His Say.
"Sure," I say. I wait a couple of seconds to gather my thoughts, and in this short time Dad demands, "Well then, what is it?" Bear in mind, that Dad's kid's team has already won the game, 2-0. Though maybe he's still peeved that I read the riot act to the whole line of parents by exhorting them to calm down, and pointing out that the game wasn't being staged especially to mirror their genetic genius.
"He twice showed me disrespect. The first time, I talked to him, but he ignored the warning and did it again a few minutes later so I sent him out for five minutes to think about it." (There are no yellow or red cards in U13 games.) Dad wants to know exactly what the player said. "That's not your concern," I say, although what I mean to say is: what the player said was irrelevant, it was the tone he used that lead to his actually very minor punishment. When I open my changing room door to indicate that the conversation's over, that's the cue for Dad to finally get it off his chest and he starts to yell at me: "It's an absolute disgrace that you sent a player off in a U13 game..." I shut the door on him and don't hear the rest.
I wonder where the number 3 learnt his disrespectful behaviour. It's a mystery.
It wasn't just the parents that were noisy, though. The two teams of 12-year-old players and both benches were vociferous throughout the 60 minutes (though - unlike the parents - not in my direction). This was a game for three points, you see, at the higher end of the talent spectrum. It was a tight, hectic, very physical game which was enjoyable to referee because there was so much going on. Did anyone else enjoy it, amid all the yelled instructions (coaches), the recriminations and self-agonising (players), the motivational screaming (everyone)? At the final whistle, I tell the losing goalkeeper that he had a great game, but he's on the verge of tears. Three points lost, never to be retrieved. So tragic.
The left back is involved in the only conflagration of the evening, with the same player that he fouled for the penalty kick. When I hint at the inherent existential absurdity of their dispute ("What the fuck are you two arguing about?") they shake hands and make up. There's a slither of moon watching us from a still, clear sky, ensuring - I somehow feel - that overall the game is played in good spirit. Three points won or lost, no one's going to let it spoil their Saturday night.
Game 43: 3-1 (no cards)Game 44: 0-2 (1 x time-penalty)
Game 45: 0-5 (no cards)
Oh, the weekend days spent refereeing U13 boys and dealing with their parents. As a warm-up as I rebuild from a surgery, I did four tournament games Saturday. The day didn't end well as here is the filed incident report (with names of the guilty removed):
ReplyDeleteFrom the first moments of the match, there was extensive loud spectator dissent, which included derogatory comments about and to a female youth referee (AR2). After particular strong dissent, included foul language, the referee again had to pause play to instruct parents to cease the dissent and made clear that further dissent would not be tolerated. As the referee turned to restart play, multiple parents made addition comments and a spectator called out "Fuck you, you asshole". The referee was able, due to voice, identify the man and directed him to leave the area of the field to go to the parking lot. After initially refusing to leave, as he was preparing to leave, he said to the referee "Don't worry, I'll wait there and take care of you after the game."
The referee asked for the team manager and asked the team manager for the man's name. She directly refused to assist the referee. With a direct threat to referee safety and an explicit team official refusal to assist the referee in addressing this threat, the referee suspended the match and went to the coaches. After conversation, the referee agreed to restart the match on three conditions:
- The man be identified. (After a few moments of not actively cooperating, the XXX coach said he was XXX. ...)
- The coaches instruct their parents to cease dissent.
- The field marshal assure that Foster would leave/had left the parking lot.
After the first two had occurred and the Field Marshall handled the last (shortly reporting the referee that he had left), the referee restarted the game.
The refereeing crew was able to leave the area of the field safely and did not see/encounter [the man] after he had been ejected from the field area.
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How bad were the parents in that match? Unlike your situation, cards and ejections exist in youth refereeing here. I unfortunately had to eject a boy for a careless DOGSO (tripping up the attacker as his legs got entangled trying to catch up from behind). With the ejection, a parent yells out "hey, don't you know what a red card is, you're ejected, get off the field you brat." Seriously? It just was a parent-made, coaches encouraged/enabled, unpleasant match (while the boys were, pretty much uniformly, totally reasonable & even pleasant -- no surprise).
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Okay, while I do wish that I / we had a timeout option, I do see why it still makes sense to have the card/ejection option as perhaps the most explicit thought-out violent foul that I've encountered was in a U13B match. Call for a direct kick on a not-big deal foul with the defenders getting the kick on their side. Clear foul, no big consequences for game, no big deal. As the fouled boy was starting to get up, an opponent ran straight through him and kneed him in the head. That opponent had started to reposition easily 10 strides and that knee strike was almost certainly deliberate and hard. (The 'victim' had to be pulled for a possible concussion and was taken to the hospital for examination.) Extremely explicit violent act. While the coach and club would have (based on their reaction to the foul and discussion with me after match) would have treated this seriously even without an ejection, I absolutely believe that the highly visible pull display of a RED CARD was justified and was clearly useful for helping reduce any potential retaliation/escalation in that match. (Not a single player on the team with the ejected player gave an iota of sympathy for the foul nor questioned the ejection (and a few even said apologetic words to players from the opposing team) and the 'victim's' team very clearly saw immediate and serious consequences for the aggressor.
By the way, that was last game Saturday, 1915 start. Sunday was supposed to be a rest day, before high school matches in the week, but I got called in to cover a match at the same field with the same field marshall but with a far different environment. U14G who played, needed a referee, and pretty much zero problems with players, coaches, and parents. Even a goal disallowed with a late (sigh, very late) offsides call from my youth official AR only had minor discontent. And, speaking of cards, a man approached me after the game: "It was my granddaughter who got the yellow card [reckless foul from behind that was also a defensive foul stopping a promising attack]. You were right to give it to her and I'll make sure she understands that. Good job out there." Very (very) nice contrast to Saturday evening.
DeleteYour last story reminds me of the time I was reffing a boys' tournament in the US on a filthy wet day. In the last minute of the final game (U15 or U17, I think), a player got mad about a throw-in decision and threw the ball away. I booked him for dissent and pointed out that as his team was 1-0 down he'd just wrecked their last chance for an equaliser by wasting the final minute. At the end of the game, the field marshal came over under an umbrella with the paperwork to sign off on the result and the sanctions. "Just the one yellow card at the end there," I said, and he replied, "Yes, it was my son - completely justified." Then when I saw the name he signed, I said, "Wait a minute, you're Bill. It's Ian, xxxx's husband!" I had just yellow-carded the son of my wife's boss. We hadn't recognised each other because of the teeming rain. The players and coaches looked on baffled as we both broke into laughter and hugged each other in the middle of the deluge.
ReplyDelete