Why are so many coaches stupid enough to shout at referees?

Games 45-51, 2023-24

I've been a referee for 15 years, a coach for almost 20. One thing I have never understood: why on earth, as a coach, would I scream at a referee?

In my role as a referee, this is what I see when a coach starts jumping up and down on the sideline, waving their arms and screaming about some decision or other: a dickhead, an arsehole, an idiot, a moron, a twat. Someone who knows fuck all about football. Someone who should absolutely not be in charge of a football team, especially a youth XI. Someone with a chronically warped perspective. Did I mention arsehole?

A coach screaming at me doesn't make me biased against their team. But it definitely hardens me against them. Marginal decisions, whether I think about it consciously or not, are no longer going their way. Let's say one of their players wastes time, or encroaches at a free-kick. Whereas I'd normally give them a verbal warning, now it's going straight to yellow. They're appealing for offside on that goal they just conceded? Maybe, but it was very close, so the benefit of the doubt is going to the attacking team. Ooh, look, Coach Fuckwit is screaming all over again!

Often I hear from coaches that "normally" they don't lose control of their emotions, but today was an exception. Your honour, normally my client doesn't murder people, but in this case they just lost control for a few fateful seconds. They're really sorry. It (probably) won't happen again. They're just very passionate!

On Saturday a coach in a boys' U15 game starts up on the touchline in the usual fashion, towards the end of the first half. His team is losing 1-0. I'm playing advantage a lot, as I always do. His very loud complaint, I think, is something along the lines of, "You always play advantage for them, but not for us." Although, it isn't exactly clear because he's fuming and foaming more than he's articulating. I walk over and ask him to calm down. It's the pre-yellow warning. In this scenario, the coach has two choices - they either shut up, or they keep ranting.

This is what I really, really don't understand. In around 50 per cent of cases, the coach keeps screaming. Like they have some sort of masochistic kick where they totally get off on being shown the yellow card. This coach is a case in point. Despite the warning, he keeps screaming at me (about nothing), and I show him the yellow card. (In my classification system, this makes him not just an arsehole, but a twat too). After that, he shuts up.

I check later - it's his third yellow card of the season. That's a lot for a mid-table boys' U15 team in the second-lowest league for that age group. Something else that baffles me: if I was ever shown a yellow card as a coach, then I would be mortified and deeply embarrassed - right there, in front of the kids I'm in charge of, and their parents too. Look everyone, you're letting an arsehole be responsible for your kids for several hours a week! Someone who's supposed to be a didact and a role model, no less.

My advice to coaches: don't be an arsehole.
My advice to clubs: dismiss coaches who behave like arseholes.
My advice to referees: card the arseholes, every time, no exceptions (this is advice I don't even follow myself, but I herewith pledge to do so more often, no leniency).

Though, as you can see below, things have been pretty quiet lately, which is why there have been no new blog entries since March. Good behaviour means fewer stories, and I'm fine with that, while at the same time wondering if referees will implement Uefa's directive for the coming European Championship where only the captain can talk to the referee. I'm sceptical, but I'm also trying to hope that things turn out like this: there's a rush of cards at first, then players get the message. Fifa immediately imposes a new stricter law on dissent in all countries at all levels, and I get to enjoy refereeing men's games again.

Stop laughing there in the cheap seats. Let me dream of a world free of arseholes.

Game 45: 3-5 (1 x yellow)
Game 46: 4-4 (1 x yellow)
Game 47: 2-2 (no cards)
Game 48: 4-1 (no cards)
Game 49: 1-3 (no cards)
Game 50: 4-3 (5 x yellow)
Game 51: 3-0 (no cards)

Want to read more tales of refereeing darkness and light? My quite frankly fantastic book Reffing Hell, covering six years of blog entries no longer available on this site, can still be purchased directly from its publisher Halcyon. Please support this blog and independent publishing by buying a copy. Referees and all their undoubted admirers alike will relate to its stories of bampot coaches, unhinged parents and hysterical players. Thank you!