Another youth team coach sees red - at some point this has got to stop

Game 16, 2020-21

Boys U19, city cup, quarter-final. It's as fast and physical as you'd expect, but a good game. I'm enjoying it, until the home bench starts up, shouting about every tiny decision. I raise my fingers to my lips to make it clear that I would like them to pipe down - their conduct is completely out of place. The players are not fouling much, and not complaining at all. Things, though, escalate. Once again, I'm just going to translate the (redacted) disciplinary report, which not only describes the behaviour of the home coaches, but explicitly asks when the state FA is finally going to fucking well do something about it:

"In the 34th minute there was another loud protest from the two home coaches Rxxxx and Pxxxx after one of their players was called offside. The incident was down the left touchline, on the same side of the field as the coaching benches, at least 40 yards ahead of the home bench - from their position it would actually have been physically impossible for the coaches to have accurately determined that their own player was clearly offside when the ball was played to him. From the players themselves there were no protests.

"As the unnecessary protests continued I walked over to the home bench and said in a calm but firm manner, 'Please, stay calm over here so that it stays calm on the field.' Head coach Rxxxx responded in a harsh tone, 'Oh, I should spend the rest of the game with my mouth sewn up, or what?' [Yes! - sporting conduct Ed.] I ignored this remark on the grounds that there was no point in starting a stupid discussion, but then the coach yelled at me again regarding the offside call, so I showed him the yellow card for irresponsible behaviour...

Screwed up a major call? Best to just confess

Game 15, 2020-21

"Why on earth didn't you award us a penalty when their goalkeeper fouled our forward?" I'm chatting with the home team's coach after the game. He's smiling, he's friendly, and it's a perfectly reasonable question. If his team had been given the penalty and converted it, they'd have likely taken all three points against the league leaders, instead of just one. 

 

I tell him the truth. That I didn't see it. That at the exact moment the forward was dribbling around the goalkeeper, my view was suddenly blocked by a retreating defender. The next thing I knew, both keeper and forward were on the floor, the ball had rolled out of play, and the home team and all of its fans were appealing for a penalty. Although, it has to be said, they weren't appealing for the penalty with 100% conviction. I pointed towards the corner flag. Cue much jeering from the crowd, incredulity from the 'fouled' forward. A corner kick may have been the right decision, but it may well not have. It could have been a goal kick. Or it could have been a penalty...

Ejecting an adult from a youth team game

Games 13-14, 2020-21

At all games the German FA requires that the home team names one person who's responsible for order and civilised/sporting behaviour. Most of the time, thankfully, it's not an issue. Just occasionally, though, that person needs to step up when there's trouble among the spectators. Except that they rarely do, unless you specifically instruct them. Sometimes even then, as on Saturday, they still do nothing. Here's a redacted version of the disciplinary report I sat up typing until 1am on Sunday morning:

"In the 75th. minute of an extremely quiet game, the home team's number 7 was attacking the ball in the away team's penalty area. The away team's goalkeeper reached the ball first and cleared it out for a throw-in. The number 7's momentum caused him to collide with the goalkeeper, he was briefly injured, but able to play on.

"A number of home-team spectators were standing in this corner of the field directly in front of the action [it was the only shady spot]. During the game they'd protested loudly about any decisions given against their team - superfluous hysteria with its base in ignorance, but all part of the game...

Playing with the neighbours - a yellow-card fiesta on derby night

Game 12, 2020-21

There are three kinds of neighbours: 1. the ones you get along with, maybe even become friends with 2. the ones you ignore, and who ignore you in return (maybe they're weird. Maybe you're the weirdo) 3. the ones you fall out with over some issue (loud music after 10pm, a barking dog, a shitting dog...) that seems trivial to outsiders, but which possesses and aggrieves you more than you'd be prepared to admit. Like families, neighbours are thrown together and there's only a certain number of them you're going to get along with.

The two teams from last night are neighbours. That doesn't mean their fields are close by - they actually share the same facilities. Their club houses lie 50 metres apart, separated by the changing rooms and the toilet block. It doesn't get more 'derby' than this. Do they get along? I check the records for the last time they met, late last year. There were 11 yellows and a red card. So, probably not much...

This team is a BOMB!

Game 11, 2020-21

I don't want to show the away team's right back the red card. It's the 93rd. minute, the game's as good as over. His side is leading 3-0. Prior to that, he'd been one of the few players to show that it's possible to defend well, but without fouling your opponent in every second challenge. Frankly, there are half a dozen other players on the field I'd rather see head for an early shower.

But, but, but...  a few seconds earlier he and the home team's number 11 had been chasing a long through-ball played out to the left. The winger had, for once, just beaten him to the ball and poked it ahead, ready for a clear run on goal. The right back came a second too late for the ball and clattered the number 11 to the ground. Brutal foul play and the denial of a clear goal-scoring opportunity - take your pick. With a rueful expression, I pull out the red card and he accepts the decision without any protest at all.

Afterwards, he comes to the changing room to apologise, and to tell me that he's already said sorry to his opponent, who was injured but - thankfully - not seriously. I tell him that I was sorry to show him red after he'd had such a good game, and that I knew the foul was not intentional...

Managing teen aggression, ignorant coaches, and morons behind the goal

Games 8-10, 2020-21

I've reffed two boys' U19 games over the past few days - one cup tie, and one league game - and have finally come to realise that these games will never be quiet. I took a friend to the first game and said to him, "The chances of there being no cards tonight are about one per cent." As a former player in the east German youth system, he was not at all fazed by the intensity of the game, and thought the seven yellow cards plus one five-minute time penalty and a red card were just about right.

Putting 22 adolescent boys on a limited rectangle of ground and letting them all compete at the same time for a single round leather ball is never going to lead to group yoga and 90 minutes of wellness therapy. As the sole controlling factor, the referee has to reckon in advance with high testosterone levels and inevitable frustration, aggression and foul play. The trick is always finding the balance between lenience and punishment, as well as hitting the right tone when it comes to keeping the players in check and focused on the game.

In these two games, I was gifted ideal situations in the first half that allowed me to assert my authority - both times, two opponents squared up to each other following a battle for the ball and exchanged words...

Why your offside calls are always "two metres" out

Games 6-7, 2020-21

There's an old fellow behind the away team's goal during Saturday's game, and he's angry at me about an offside call. How he could see that the call was wrong from behind the goal is anybody's guess. He shouts that I'm a waste of time, and backs that conviction up with dramatic arm gestures. There are three ways to respond to this: 1. Ignore him. He's obviously craving attention, so don't grant him the pleasure of thinking you're bothered by his opinion. 2. Move towards the moron, kneel down and then blow him an extravagantly choreographed kiss. 3. Move towards the moron and say, "I'm standing on this side of the barrier because I love football. You're standing on the other side of it because all you've got is a big trap."

I only thought of options two and three after the game, but that's probably just as well. Ignoring him was the best policy. Indeed, after the game I walk right past him to see if he has the courage to berate me face to face, but he's gone all quiet. Perhaps his anger has dissipated and been replaced by a gnawing existential dread of his pending mortality, fuelled by a sense of futility at the idea of protesting offside decisions during a boys U15 football game. Whatever it is, I reserve the right to engage options 2 and 3 at some future point of conflagration...