Bloody hell. Not one apology, but two

Games 34-39, 2023-24

A father comes up to me at the end of Game 38, a boys' U15 league match. He's laughing as he asks how many cards I showed. I'm not laughing as I tell him - seven cautions and a time-penalty. Another father shakes my hand, thanks me, and says he admires referees for turning out for games like this one. I nod in acknowledgment, but I'm in no mood for a chat. I retreat to my changing room and fill out the match stats. Then I add in the box under 'other observations':

"Seven yellows and a time-penalty in a U15 game - it's a crying shame that teams in this age group are already being coached to foul relentlessly and moan disrespectfully at the referee. An extremely unpleasant game."

Thankfully, by the time I come out of my changing room everyone's gone home except for the home coach, who's bringing in the corner flags. He smiles and shakes my hand, a different person to the one who - along with his assistant - was complaining on auto-drone throughout the second half. I'm still not smiling, the game has put me in a shit mood. I tell him that they both deserved yellow cards at least, and he nods ruefully. Instead, I'd just ignored them. Some days, you can't be arsed with the drama and just sink into a kind of melancholy daze, wishing the minutes away as every call you make is greeted with bleats and brays.

All the more gratifying, then, to receive a text message from the club chairman later that night as I'm sitting in the pub watching Leverkusen maul Bayern Munich (this day really did take a turn for the better): "I heard that you had to put up with a lot today from our U15 team. It's shameful, and as club chairman I'd like to offer our profuse apologies. We'll be asking the trainer team in for discussions so that we can change this in the future. It's not our style, and never has been. We'll be making sure this doesn't happen again."

Fucking hell, that's never happened before, and I tell him so as I write back to thank him for the message. I've long since got used to the fact that clubs only ever find excuses for shit behaviour, rather than actually apologise for it. Until now. There's more to come the following day. Just as I'm about to go out and referee a women's friendly, the coach messages me as well:

"After we slept on it, we as trainers would like to apologise for yesterday's game. Sorry that the second half went downhill, especially when it came to dissent. We're planning to discuss the issue with the team at training this week. I hope you will accept this apology and that it won't happen again."

Of course I accept the apology. I always do. Just the previous Wednesday, also during a boys' U15 game, a player apologised to me at the final whistle. A few minutes earlier, he'd stood on an opponent's foot and then yelled at me when I'd given a free-kick. I understand instinctive negative reactions - I'm prone to them myself when I'm dealing with my computer's printer. An apology pretty much cancels out the offence, while the yellow card remains on the record as a warning against future infractions.

Nonetheless, both of these U15 games point to a further seeping down of poor behaviour. While there have been outraged and disbelieving reactions to FIFA's reported plans to trial a blue card for dissent with a 10-minute time penalty in some top level men's competitions, here down at the bottom end we're still waiting for things to change for the better. If the pro game really doesn't want blue cards, then start showing yellows and reds for the plague of backchat we see in every televised top-level game. Only then will teenage boys learn that non-stop moaning doesn't need to be an embedded part of our ever more degenerate sport.

Note: the picture at the top of the post is from my changing-room before Sunday's game. Referees in general really like to find nutritious food and drink when they arrive. Even if we're not hungry, it makes us feel valued and welcome. It happens slightly more often than an official club apology for bad behaviour, but not much.

Games 32-33: US college girls' trial games (no cards)
Game 34: 5-1 (no cards)
Game 35: 10-2 (no cards)
Game 36: 1-1 (5 x yellow)
Game 37: 11-0 (no cards)
Game 38: 0-3 (7 x yellow, 1 x time-penalty)
Game 39: 0-4 (no cards)

My quite frankly fantastic book Reffing Hell, covering six years of blog entries no longer available on this site, can still be purchased directly from its publisher Halcyon. Please support this blog and independent publishing by buying a copy. If you are a referee, I promise that you will relate to its stories of bampot coaches, unhinged parents and hysterical players. Plus, I try not to take any of this (or myself) too seriously. Thank you!